Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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