Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
