Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
