My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
