one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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