Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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