is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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