Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
