he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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