it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
