I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
