I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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