i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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