So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
