so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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