he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize