a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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