i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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