I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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