I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
