do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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