She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
