You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
