"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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