Don't make out with my wife yet
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Randomize
