I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
