You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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