Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
