i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
