and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
