the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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