i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
