I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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