& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize