I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
