She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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