I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
