Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
