i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
