6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
