does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
