ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
