So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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