Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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