Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
