She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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