I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
