i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
