I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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