During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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