Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
