i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
