I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
