Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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