awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I could fuck to npr.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
