he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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