Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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