It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
