The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
