Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
