Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
