What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
