Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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