I want to make a zoo with you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
