just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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