I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
