I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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