We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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