Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nicole vs. Life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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