So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize