I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
