3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
