It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
