uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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