guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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