oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
