That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
