im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
