Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
