Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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