every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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