Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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